Down Syndrome Misconceptions–Changing MY Perception

When I look back to the moment we found out about Cody’s diagnosis, I feel ashamed of my reaction.

I wish I was more educated about Down Syndrome back then.

I know my reaction would have been completely different.

Truth is, I can count on both hands the interactions I had with individuals with Down syndrome while growing up. Children with special needs were not given the opportunity to participate in the school activities like they do now.

It was my ignorance about Down syndrome that led me to the momentary sadness of a Down syndrome diagnosis.

If I knew then what I knew now, I know my reaction would have been different. Completely different.

Daddy holding Cody for the first time. It was such a heart filling experience to hear him cry for the first time. Because of his Tetralogy of Fallot, the doctors were concerned that he would not be able to breathe and would have to go directly to surgery. He was a fighter from the beginning and didn’t need surgery until months later.

All I knew back then were the "stereotypes” of individuals with Down syndrome.

Seven years into this parenthood journey and I can stomp on those stereotypes. Honestly, if I could go back in time and slap myself for believing these stereotypes, I would! It would be like the scene from the movie Airplane (disclaimer: if you were born in the 80’s or later, you will likely not understand that reference).

Here are some stereotypes that I want to help break:

All individuals with Down syndrome look alike

Though there are some characteristics that are common among individuals with Down syndrome, that does not mean they will all look alike.

When Cody was born, my own OB/GYN questioned if he had Down syndrome. The markers were there, but he wasn’t sure. He had the single crease across his palm, but so did my doctor and he was sure to show me. Cody had narrow eyes, but come on, he is 1/4 Korean so we knew that was going to happen anyway. :)

So even if there are common features, individuals with Down syndrome will not always look the same. I have yet to meet a child that looks just like Cody. Most people tell me he looks like his brother. A more fair skinned, freckle-free, lighter haired version of his brother. ;)

Kids with Down syndrome are always so happy

Let me be the person to BASH this stereotype to the ground. If you would like to show up at my house at 7 am when it is time to wake Cody up, you will find that this whole “always happy” thing is not true!

Children are children. They are happy when they want to be. They are angry when they want to be.

Cody expresses EVERY emotion there is. From happy to cross-armed unhappiness, he can express it.

Kids with Down syndrome are stubborn

Cody can be stubborn, BUT no more stubborn than his “typical” 10 year old brother.

He likely inherited the stubborn gene from me…or his father…I think we can blame both of us middle children for that.

Individuals with Down syndrome will never learn in school

This was one of the stereotypes that concerned me the most. This was the stereotype that broke my heart. I didn’t think I was equipped to be able to educate a child that society perceived to be unteachable.

Cody has done nothing but prove this stereotype wrong. He continues to amaze me with his knowledge and how quickly he can learn. We have been working on new site words and for most, he can learn them in a matter of 30 minutes. He amazes me.

Some things come harder for him (like writing), but he tries and he is learning.

He has endless potential.

Your life will be dedicated to caring for your child with Down syndrome. They will never be able to take care of themselves.

This was the #1 stereotyped that I worried about. Who was to take care of him if something were to happen to his dad or I? How would he function? 

Since the moment he was born, Cody has been independent. MUCH more independent than his “typical” brother was.

Your child will learn what you teach them.

Though there are times that we want to cater to our children’s every need, we don’t. Independence and responsibility needs to be taught.

I watch him struggle sometimes when he tries to learn a new task (buttoning snaps is a current one), BUT I have to let him learn. He will be the first to tell me “stop, let me do it” and I have to listen. I don’t always want to, but I owe it to him to listen.

I have to give him the opportunity to learn how to take care of himself. I have to give him the independence to be confident in his decisions.

I have no doubt that Cody will grow up to be an independent adult. I have no doubt that he will want to move out when he is an adult to have a life of his own. A life where mom isn’t telling him to put a jacket on because it’s cold.  A life that will involve friends going clubbing. A life where I won’t be invited (ya, queue those violins for me).

He’ll be fine.

I know he will.